Tuesday, January 20, 2015

weird start

january has had a weird start for our house. on new year's day i had UTI symptoms and two days later i thought i had the flu or food poisoning, but turns out it was a kidney infection and it was ROUGH. 104 degree fevers and so much crazy up and downs in temperature. even an ER trip was in order. and EZ had a bout of fevers and a terrible cough. sully has had snot running down his face the entire month and will not grow new teeth but keeps freaking out like he is. and then just last week matt went and got the real flu with fevers and chills and all around feeling miserable. it's crazy to have had so much in such a short time, but it's almost passed and at least we're left feeling more grateful for our health. 

and then we've had some sadness surrounding family and friends. our young 21 year old neighbor who lived at home with his parents took his life right next door a few weeks ago. so sad. our neighborhood is in mourning still. and then just last week my brother in law suddenly lost his father and it's compounded the sadness. death is hard no matter how it happens. it's bizarre that it happens to everyone when we walk around thinking it's never going to happen to us. and it literally is never easy.

phew. writing that out makes me feel sad. 

one thing that i'm trying to do this year is to find more quiet. i signed up for a 6 week meditation class (so far it's great) and i'm trying to take steps around our house to allow for more quiet opportunities. my brain is loud. my phone is loud. the world is loud. i'm trying to connect to divinity more often and the only way is to allow more quiet in my life.  i believe i'll be able to be louder with who i am and how i behave from knowing how to be quiet. i want bounty and connection.

ez and sully are great. besides sickness plaguing our house, they're continuing to light up the world around us. ez says the best things and always sounds so proper. it surprises and delights us every day. just last week when we dropped matt off at the train in the early morning he noticed there was frost on the car next to us and it was being hit by a beam of sunlight. "mom! that car has pixie dust all over it! I wonder if it will fly to work?!" just so much delight. and right at this moment he's playing with his friend luke and they are both in costumes and have been in a pretend world for the past 45 minutes playing pirates and bad guys and all sorts of awesome scenarios. how do our brains get so tarnished as we grow? i love the peaks of innocence and present-ness from watching kids live. sully is squishy and sweet and does this monkey style sliding crawl. he climbed the stairs for the first time just two days ago and made it to the top without trying hard at all. losing his babyhood all at once it seems.  

matt's birthday was so fun and overall he feels pretty good about being 30. he has some exciting stuff coming up with work and personal projects, and we're constantly grateful he's so fulfilled with his work. his goal for the year is to maintain a beautiful mustache and beard while pursuing some personal health and artistic goals. we're also working on our relationship and trying to make more time for being #twohandsin. it is easy to go quite a long time without truly connecting unless we make the time. 

I wrote this out on IG the other day but I want it here too. life is heartbreaking on so many levels. watching a baby grow. death of loved ones. missed opportunities. the end of something wonderful. we're all just walking around with varying degrees of heartbreak. i hope i'm kind and empathetic enough to be aware of other's heartbreaks and be helpful not hurtful. 

1 comment:

  1. "varying degrees of heartbreak" is probably the most accurate description of the human race I've ever read. I really like you Carla.

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