Sunday, December 8, 2013

The Twelve Lays of Christmas (2013!)

*As of December 2014 - You can purchase THREE years of 12 Lays of Christmas poems right HERE! Go forth and Lay!*

It's time to get laid, people of the internet! Or actually, do the laying if we're being technical... but either way, I have some downloads for anyone interested in this fun Christmas activity. I wrote a post all about the origins of the 12 Lays of Christmas last year, so I won't cover everything again (just link back and read it if you're confused at all. And also here is a recap of some thoughts about how last year's went!) 

The hope for the 12 Lays is to spend some good quality time with your spouse... and do so by having a lot of naughty time together. Because naughtiness takes time! Especially for most of us ladies that have a million things on the brain and don't often make enough time for nookie or O's on a regular basis. I've created an assortment of poems to assist you in this gift and am happy to share because I think that it can make your Christmas season cheerier. And I'm just a sharer! And love writing poems! And am never embarrassed to talk about sex! So basically you start December 13th to end on Christmas Eve, or start December 14th to end on Christmas Day. Or feel free and do a baker's dozen... I won't tell anyone. Or start tonight and do them sporadically over the next few weeks. I'm approaching this as a buffet of options kind of situation, and then people can customize however they'd like :) 

This year instead of emailing me directly, all you have to do is click over to this site (DISABLED - must email!), enter your email, and then you'll be given a "download" to all of the poems. (The only reason you have to enter an email is to keep a little bit of "secrecy" to the poems instead of making them a free for all. Your email isn't saved anywhere. Also, this will NOT work on a cell phone because it's a .zip file.) I've included the 2012 poems as well as new 2013 poems - so there are plenty of choices! Technically you should give 12 poems - so 1 half page poem for the first day, 10 regular poems of your choice, and then 1 half page poem for the last day (of which there are two options.) Once you see all the PDFs it should be pretty easy to understand. Lots of options, ladies! Lots of dirty poems! I hope they make you laugh and blush and get excited to get it on with your husband. 

So go download the files (right here for $3) and then you'll be on your way! And feel free to share this with anyone you know... because I said it last year and I'll say it again, I believe intimacy in a marriage is very important and I truly believe in healthy marriages and families and really really want good ones to exist. And if getting more people laid this Christmas helps in any way, then it's my duty to help. So let's do this! But please do it with love. Relationships are fragile and need to be handled with love. 

If you have any good stories, I'll most likely do a "recap" post again, and would love to hear how it went the 2nd year for you vets or how it was received as a first time gift. Email me if you're a sharer and we can laugh together! 

Glad we're friends :) 
May all your lays be merry and bright! Merry Christmas! 


  1. bwaahahhhaaa i'm dying right now!! my favorite is the Rudolf nose reference!!

  2. I'm not going to get porn and viagra spam in my email now, right? hahaha.

    1. ewwwwww. gross.

      (but maybe i'll spam you just because you asked for it.)