Wednesday, March 2, 2011

cold hard egg in your hand

I was going to write about how wonderful our baby's appointment was this morning, but I can't. Not tonight. I've been stricken with the angry hate bug and I can't write about the most lovely thing when this virus is attacking.

I'm sure you've all been stung by the angry hate bug before, or at least I hope I'm not the only one out there. You know the type? Where something or someone or some situation has angered you to the point of consuming your whole person? Where you actually feel hatred when you thought it would never dare be a possibility? 

Where you want to egg someone's house. Like for real.

This is where I sit tonight. And don't worry, it's probably not because of you. Unless it is, then you better watch yourself. {But really, it's not you.}

One time Matt and I happened to have an egg in the car. I think it was hard boiled and I'd packed it as a snack that never got eaten. Matt picked it up and played with it in his hands, then rolled down the window and pretended to throw it at the car next to us. I about died because he had me convinced that he'd really do it, but at the last second laughed and rolled up the window. Then he placed it in my hand, rolled down my window and made me pretend I was going to throw it. Oh the power! I could not believe that 99% of me totally wanted to do it.

But the problem does not lie in the act of throwing the egg, it lies in the guilt that comes after. That stinkin' 1%. Oh how I hate the guilt of being a decent person. That I'd actually feel bad egging someone's house makes me never do it in the first place.  It's actually a fine trait to possess. Just not when you're pissed and want to throw the flippin' egg at the stupid house that totally deserves it.

Then I start using this blog as my egg and I start to write the details on why I'm so incredibly perturbed,  but it usually fizzles by the end of the post because I can't out someone. As much as I want to, I just can't. Even if they don't read the blog or even know that I have one, I just mentally can't because I know the guilt would follow and then the initial act would be in vain because I'd feel bad for the very person I just hated. Gosh! So I just hold the egg and pretend, and hope that it's enough to satiate the anger and move on.

A least it's sort of fun pretending.

Also, doesn't this post make you think... was it me? could it be me? haha.  So cryptic!


  1. it's me for not emailing back.
    egg away my dear. it's well deserved.

    i like how you compared the blog to the egg. that was creative.

  2. oh girl. my friends loved egging houses in h.s. ( i hated it. i often refused, and sat nervous in the back of the car and prayed they'd finish the act quickly.)

    one time (the night before my birthday.funny i remember this.) my friends were like you know who bugs me? ... "sally...(fake name)" so, we drove past her house about midnight and they started egging it. one of my friends hoped out of the truck and to get closer. "sallys" brother just so happened to be coming home at the same time, followed us, forced us to pull over, took our keys, and made us go and clean it up. in the mean time, he's called the cops and asked us our names. of course we gave him fake ones. he woke "sally" up and she peeked at us through the window. we all got criminal mischief tickets and i was grounded on my birthday. it was HUMILIATING, and I FELT SO BAD! to make matters worse, "sally" (who i was kind of ..ish friends with) and i sat next to each first period on monday morning.

    so.. moral of the story.

    don't egg anyone.


    sorry. there's my life story.

  3. Is it because I've been hiding my Bieber fever under a bushel, and you're mad that you had to hear about it from the beehives? I'm sorry, I should've shared it with you earlier. I'm so ashamed.

  4. awesome. awesome. awesome. all three of you.

    @megan- he's SEVENTEEN!? shaaame!

  5. been there. done that. the only difference is i exchange egg throwing to junk cutting. know why!!!!

  6. At first this post made me scared. Then it made me reeeeally hungry...