Tuesday, February 8, 2011

excerpt from a journal

Originally written on December 22, 2010 on our personal blog that I'm using to document el bebe.

"Matty and I found out we were pregnant on December 19, 2010. It was early in the morning and he'd only been home from Seattle for a few hours. I decided it was high time to take a test since I'd be suspecting it may be the case for the previous 2 weeks, but kept getting fooled by some spotting that made me think I was having a punctuation.

But turns out, it was not punctuation. I'm pregnant! Like fo' reals!
{And spotting is totally normal, I checked.}

The pee stick showed 2 blue lines so quickly I didn't even have a chance to flush the toilet let alone patiently wait for an answer. It just popped up there on the stick and I ran half panting half squealing to the bedroom to shove that urine covered stick in your papa's face. He said it even smelled like pee - so you know it was legit.

We hugged and I cried a little in between the laughing and the squeezing and the "What do we do now?!"s. It was a mixture of so many emotions it's hard to sort them all out. Happiness was definitely first, followed shortly by terror. A BABY!?? Oh my word. Are we even old enough for this? Mature enough? We definitely don't have any money, so how in the world will we pay for it?

It's now been 3 days and we're getting used to the idea. And not even used to it, but loving it. I knew I wanted to write about it, and I thought it would really be sweet to hand write it so you know your mama's handwriting, but then I got honest with myself and knew I'd write way more (and way more often) if I did it in blog form. So here we are, blogging. To a baby. Or for a baby. For our baby. Oh my hells bells it's still weird.

Last night Matt prayed for "the wee one" and we both about had a laughing meltdown in the middle of the prayer because it was so weird. Like you were real because he called you that and neither of us knew how to react. Because I know you're real, but not like wee one real yet. Just teeny tiny sesame seed in my belly real. Like I just ate a hamburger and you're just one of the seeds that didn't digest with the rest of them kind of real.

You have made me very tired. I thought people were exaggerating about being tired, but seriously, this growing a baby thing is exhausting. And my boobs are tender to the max. And I feel queasy parts of the day, but not enough to go hang out next to the toilet. And it's weird to feel all of these things that are "normal" to pregnancy, but not normal to my life. Pregnancy is anything but normal yet.

I picked Matty up from the aiport on Saturday night, and I mentioned to him that the spotting I saw earlier that day that made me think I was starting was actually another false alarm. Then I told him I had a tester at home and I'd be taking it the next day. He then said, "So do we only need one partner to test positive to make it official? Because I'm happy to take the test." It was much funnier in person, and really funny to me because this man that is going to call himself your papa bear actually took a pregnancy test once. I peed on a stick, and he peed on the 2nd one in the box. Both came back negative, and he was more disappointed about his being negative than about mine.

Anyway, I am so so so happy it was positive this time. It feels surreal and make believe right now, but I'm hoping after our appointment at the Midwifery next Wednesday {December 29th} - it'll feel honest to goodness real. And we'll be parents and have a teeny tiny burrito to love and snuggle.

And I like that thought. A lot."


  1. oh this makes me so happy. i love that you called your baby a burrito. i'm so excited for you!

  2. yes! i love midwiferies! I hade one for Winni and this little dude who's about to pop out. If you wanted to deliver up in Salt Lake at LDS I'd TOTALLY recommend Sandie Bonare. SHE THE BOMB!

  3. please tell me you'll post more of these because i really just loved reading that. and i'm still just super overjoyed for you two!

  4. this is great. i like that you've documented this.

  5. hi. i love you. you may not know this, but we are about to become friends in real life. don't freak out.